Party Dynamics: Life Accelerated
Hey folks! Sorry for the long intermission. I took a break from writing to focus on schoolwork and other projects that have been going on.
I’ve gone to several house parties this semester. Before this year, I never really liked parties (especially frat parties, they are the worst). My attitude towards them has changed. I can enjoy parties for two reasons:
- I’ve learned to be more comfortable in my own skin. This reduces inhibition and and makes it easier to have fun and enjoy yourself.
- Social dynamics at parties are surprisingly similar to, yet incredibly different from real life. Being a part of the dynamics, being able to observe it and participate in it, is incredibly fun.
Writers have written volumes about social dynamics at parties, and the details are beyond the scope of this post. I just want to summarize a few observations I’ve made about party dynamics. I also hope to show that parties, while fun in their own right, can offer invaluable learning experiences in Applied Social Interaction.
I’ve always wondered why humans love to drink alcohol so much. I watch the drunken students stumble and trip over themselves on the dark streets of Berkeley and wonder, “Is that fun?” I’ve never drank myself to that point, and I doubt I ever will. After talking to people about drinking and drinking a bit myself, I’ve concluded:
People like alcohol because drinking it both chemically and socially reduces inhibition, thus making it easier for them to do whatever they want with fewer perceived consequences.
Chemical: This should be obvious. Alcohol affects the brain, numbing the areas responsible for reasoning abilities. Reducing the brain’s ability to reason has a social consequence: The brain, working with fewer thinking resources, is unable to process (or imagine) extraneous social information. Where a normally cautious, shy brain would imagine peer pressure, social minefields, and other immaterial things a drugged brain sees an open road.
Social: The mere presence of alcohol somehow lessens the post-party social impact of your activities. Have you ever heard people say, “Oh I can’t believe I did that! I guess I just had a few too many drinks”? People are incredibly forgiving about alcohol-related incidents. If you say something insulting or stupid to someone (within bounds, of course), it’s generally accepted that the other person won’t hold it against you in the sober world of real life.
We are inhibited people. If you combine intelligence with social dynamics, you get schemers. People, perhaps unwillingly or unconsciously, think about how others perceive them. Inhibition is natural, and it’s usually a good thing. But inhibition, if allowed to develop too far, hurts the enjoyment you get out of life.
Alcohol helps people get rid of that inhibition. It’s my opinion that you can get rid of the inhibition through serious thinking and hard work in the sober world, but alcohol offers a temporary “quick fix.”
Anyway, on to party dynamics.
Most of the social dynamics of the sober world are still present in the boozed world, but the value system has been warped. For instance, leadership and “alpha” behavior are much more important in party dynamics than normal dynamics (if you are interested in building attraction). In normal social dynamics, you can generally make up any lack in alpha behavior with intelligent thoughts and witty humor. Not so in party dynamics –intelligence and wit appeal to the reasoning parts of the brain.
I will refer to social dynamics at parties as “PD” and normal dynamics as “ND.”
Social proof is more important in PD than in ND, though it is easier to come by and play around with. Since everyone is in a super social mood, you can make friends FAST. As you have fun and keep having fun, people will notice the fun that surrounds you. In ND, you generally don’t need social proof to make friends with people or build attraction (though it certainly helps). At parties, people (especially women) often adopt strong social shields so proof becomes immensely helpful.
Furthermore, the kinetics of social interaction at parties is accelerated. Music is booming, people are moving around all the time, and new people are constantly entering and leaving. You don’t have the luxury of time and a quiet room to have nice conversations and make friends –this is life on speed.
The “social shield” phenomenon is a product of party dynamics. Because the social interaction is accelerated, women are approached more frequently by more guys in less time. Let’s face it: parties are full of creepers. But they’re also full of cool people. The social shield (also known as “bitch shield”) helps women filter out the cool from the uncool.
I never go into a party with intent to meet someone and build attraction. It’s not my scene, and the dynamics are too fierce for me to bother. The party scene can get very hierarchical, and if you try to get into the hierarchy you may end up at the bottom. Alternatively you can transcend the social ladder by not bothering with the hierarchy –do like I do and just worry about having fun and hanging out with pals.
I see value in practicing Applied SI in the party atmosphere. If you can succeed in the harsh environment of party dynamics, you can succeed in real life dynamics. Think of clubs and parties as boot-camp. These scenes are riddled with interesting situations, puzzles, and unpredictable results. Learn to handle them and you’ll learn to handle the calmer, nicer real world.
So the next time you go to a party, observe what’s going on around you (not at the cost of having fun, however!). Don’t worry if you fall on your face and get rejected by people –alcohol makes things somewhat unpredictable. Just see what works and what doesn’t work most of the time. And please, drink responsibly.
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