We’re Just Friends. Really!
Close friendship with the opposite sex --can it work?
Friendships with the opposite sex can get complicated fast. But if you handle things well, these friendships have the potential to teach you volumes about interacting with the opposite sex.
The following guest post, written by Allison Moy, explores the dynamics of male-female friendships and looks at their value. Allison also offers advice on how to make these friendships work.
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How many of your close friends are guys and how many are girls? If you’re like most people, your closest friends are guys if you’re a guy, and girls if you’re a girl. Why is that? Do we naturally feel more comfortable socializing or opening up to people of our own sex? Or is there a fear that romantic emotions may emerge and destroy a solid friendship? Or do we simply gravitate towards our own sex because of similar interests (i.e. the most stereotypical examples: women enjoy shopping together while men enjoy watching sports together)? All these reasons are valid.
During my three years at UC Berkeley I formed many close friendships –mostly with males. Spending so much time with the testosterone-infused, I learned a great deal about what it takes to create solid male-female friendships (and much about the male lifestyle for better and worse). Here’s what I have to say about sustaining close platonic friendships with the opposite sex.
Give and Take
People prefer to interact with others who have similar interests. This is a big reason why we form friendships within our own sexes. To carry on close opposite-sex friendships, you have to be open towards new experiences. Girls: embrace video games, explore beers (at least a cider), learn how to throw a football (and eventually join in on a game!) or become a master at paintballing. Guys: embrace shopping, explore wines, learn how to cook, or become a master at yoga. But you also have to be willing and patient to impart your hobbies to the opposite sex. This is where you put in the effort. It’s amazing how much you learn through experiences with the opposite sex. Seriously, what guy would invite his guy friend to yoga?
Don’t hold back
Be yourself. Even your embarrassing self. Actually, the more embarrassing the better. Men and women love a good laugh and when you become afraid of what the opposite sex will think, you miss out on some great memories. Besides, if you’re forming close friendships with the opposite sex, you might as well reveal the side you’re less proud of. They’ll find out sooner or later. How you act when you’re around the bros or the girl friends should be no different from how you would act with the opposite sex. Being silly merely adds another dimension to your personality and may make you more interesting.
Don’t worry about emotions
There is always the chance that friends can develop romantic feelings for each other (and sometimes these feelings are not mutual) in opposite-sex friendships. Emotions can’t always be controlled, but you can always control how you let emotions affect a friendship. If your friendship is truly important to both of you, it will work itself out. This isn’t to say it will be easy to deal with, but true friends stick it out no matter what. If feelings do develop, just talk it out and give each other some space for a while. Overtime the emotions will fade and your friendship will remain strong. There’s no reason why this situation should be awkward or detrimental. Feelings are a part of human nature. If both of you discover that you are even better as a couple, great! (does “You Belong with Me” by Taylor Swift sound familiar?)
No conversational topic is off limits
Conversations you would have with the opposite sex can be the same as those you would have with the same sex. There is no reason why certain topics must be off limits. Girls, do you need advice on how an article of clothing looks on you? Talk to your close guy friend. Guys, you want to rate how hot girls are as they stroll by on the street? Have your close girl friend join in. You’d be surprised by how much insight about life you gain from the opposite sex’s opinion on “manly conversations” or “womanly conversations.”
Why have close opposite-sex friendships?
Here are a few things we gain from friendships with the opposite sex:
First, you learn how the opposite sex thinks and acts. It’s like stepping into a foreign country and learning their customs because there are differences between the male and female minds. By better understanding the opposite sex, you can approach romantic relationships with more confidence. Plus, you’d have a close friend with a distinctly different perspective to give you insight on life when you need it.
Second, by adopting some of the opposite sex’s hobbies you become more attractive to the opposite sex. I believe it’s safe to say that guys dig girls who have some “guy” in them and women dig men who have some “girl” in them. Men are intrigued by women who know their sports, drive stick, or enjoy playing Call of Duty 4. Women are intrigued by men who know how to dress well, cook or enjoy the occasional romantic movie. True?
Takeaways
If you are in a relationship with someone who has a close opposite-sex friendship, don’t feel threatened by the other guy (or girl). As long as you trust nothing will happen between the two friends, there is no reason to think that male-female friendships are different from same-sex friendships.
Many ways to succeed in male-female friendships also apply to romantic relationships. Just be open with one another. That’s all it comes down to.
If you treat your friendships with men and women equally, then you will be successful in making a bro out of a girl or a girl friend out of a guy.
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Allison Moy is a recent UC Berkeley graduate with a degree in Integrative Biology. Her interests include good food, nice clothes, optometry, and making friends.
Explore posts in the same categories: Friendships, Guest PostTags: friend zone, friendship, opposite sex
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